Homage to a Tow Truck Driver

Yes, I know it's a few weeks old. But I figured it would be a good note to start this thing off with

I'd like to take this time to give a shout out to Doug, the tow truck driver, for aiding me today in hauling my broken-ass car to the dealership repair. While most people in this society focus on material wealth or social status, you rise above that to enjoy the simple things in life. To you, happiness is a Super Big Gulp at hand and the Anaheim highway winds blowing through your mustache hair— The real color of which is unknown, because it is constantly covered in the grease of the 3000 lb mechanical beasts that you tame every day. While others scoff at you for your job and grease monkey appearance, you scoff right back at them because you know the truth: That the size of your vehicle directly correlates to the size of your penis. And you're driving one of the biggest damn trucks on the road right now, so they can shove it. 
So, I thank you, Doug the tow truck driver. Not just for your invaluable towing assistance and general knowledge of my car, but also for a window into your way of life. Riding with you has unfortunately been the highlight of my Valentines day so far. You go Doug. Keep on truckin'